i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
