You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
