he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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