What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
