I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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