Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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