i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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