Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
