Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
