matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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