discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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