there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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