it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
