I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
