I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
