He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
