Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
