Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
