He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
