So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
