If that was your dad, he is hot
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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