we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
