We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
