either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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