I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
