get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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