Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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