**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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