I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
