Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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