before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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