How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i now understand why vodka
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
