90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have fence marks all over my body
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
