Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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