before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
