What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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