How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
