i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We left an ass print on the piano.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm at about main and main street
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
