I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
