if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
