'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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