It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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