I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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