like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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