im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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