Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
