We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED