I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
