as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.