Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best