First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen