3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?