Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?