You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize