so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize