hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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