The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
