dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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