She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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