my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
