I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
