I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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