Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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