I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my poor anus
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
