Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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