His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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