We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
