Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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