if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize